Mrs. H. R. Flintoff, Jr.'s Asian Scapegoat

You will be pleased to hear that no clue to the ingredients in today's recipe can be derived from the above title. In other words, no, we are not going to be reading about eating goat.

Which is maybe not such a great thing, when you find out what this recipe--published in Nashville Seasons (Nashville, TN: 1964)--actually does entail. And that is war-mongering. Imperialism. Oppression of indigenous peoples. And the flagrant overuse of canned ingredients.

Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?

Peas Orientale

1. Is nobody afraid that masses of indignant Asian people will rise in violent protest that this travesty is being laid at their door?

2. Does French-frying the word "Oriental" make it better? or

3. Does French-frying the word "Oriental" somehow connote gourmet cuisine?

You be the judge. Check out these ingredients:

3 10 ounce packages frozen peas, cooked
2 small cans water chestnuts, thinly sliced, drained
2 large cans bean sprouts, drained
1 lb. button mushrooms, sautéed in butter
2 10 and 1/2 ounce cans cream of mushroom soup
2 3/12 cans French fried onion rings

Beat soup with fork

until it screams for mercy.

Mix vegetables with soup and place in large buttered casserole. Bake at 350 degrees approximately 30 minutes. Top with French fried onions and continue baking another 15 to 20 minutes. Serves 12.

Now, Mrs. Flintoff, don't sell yourself short. I'll bet this will serve a lot more than twelve. Especially if they don't actually eat any of it.

This is a wonderful vegetable casserole for buffet dinners, and goes well with almost any meat or poultry dish.

Absolutely! I could easily see it accompanying a plate of fish sticks, but I'm sure it would go just as well with Spam. Or Chicken McNuggets.

It is easy to prepare in advance, and has an unusual and distinctive flavor.

I'm sure it does, ma'am.

Well, now. Talk about an embarassment of riches. Where do I begin? What hath Mrs. H. R. Flintoff, Jr., wrought?

Notice--well--everything. The almost total lack of fresh ingredients. The fact that frozen peas are cooked, then cooked again for 30 minutes, then cooked again for another 15 to 20 minutes. Note also that this recipe includes not just cream of mushroom soup, but canned French fried onion rings, as well.

"Mrs. Flintoff, what were you thinking?" I cried to the unheeding desktop monitor.

And then it came to me. So-called "Peas 'Orientale,'" from a cookbook published in the United States in 1964 ... why, this must be an attempt to sway public opinion during the Vietnam war! Mrs. Flintoff was opposed to those commies in North Vietnam, and her recipe was clearly a piece of fiendishly subtle anti-Vietcong propaganda.

Now ordinarily, I never would have thought that the ladies of the Junior League were such accomplished propagandists. But really, it's the only rational explanation.

--P.