Because if Willie did hear about it, he'd immediately gather the necessary forces to hold the first of many annual Lemon-Aid concerts.
Don't believe me? Read on.
Today's gustatorial guttersnipe comes courtesy of Pass The Plate, a community cookbook published by Christ Episcopal Church in New Bern, North Carolina. (And they wonder why there is schism in the Church!)
Actually, Pass the Plate is a fantastic cookbook. It has a lot of great-sounding recipes. I don't think it's going too far to argue that Pass the Plate is exemplary of community cookbooks at their best. It passes the ultimate test of cookbook quality; it has a spiral binding, it includes the names of the women who submitted the recipes, and the recipes underwent minimal editing. I mean, I think the committee published every recipe they got, which means that just in the dessert section alone, great grandmother's secret Tea Cake recipe jostles for attention with grandmother Sigridür Hall's Icelandic Vinarterta, five million recipes featuring Cool-Whip, and Ann Lander's Lemon Meringue Pie. (Tsk, tsk. Weren't you supposed to send Ann a little money and a self-addressed envelope for that one? I think her estate might sue.)
At any rate, we have Dollie Mallard Kellum (Mrs. Norman, Sr.) to thank for
Lemonade Meringue Pie
Filling:
1 cup sour cream
3 egg yolks, slightly beaten
1 4 1/2-5-ounce) regular vanilla pudding mix
11/4 cups milk
1/3 cup frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
1 9-inch baked pie shell
Meringue:
3 egg whites
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
6 tablespoons sugar
OK, so right away I'll note that no, this recipe doesn't include any guts, and it doesn't even include Cool-Whip, so what's my problem, right? Picky, picky, picky.
(I'll also note that I'm leaving off the directions because I don't want you making this pie. And I'm afraid that you'll be fooled, due to this recipe's lack of offal and Cool-Whip, into making it. So no, I'm not including the instructions, and you can't make me.)
I suppose now is a good time to admit that I don't particularly like lemon meringue pie. And maybe there isn't a version anywhere that would thrill me. But the thing is, we already had a perfectly good bastardized convenience-food version of lemon meringue pie. The one with the can of sweetened condensed milk. The one that has made it almost impossible to find a lemon meringue pie made without sweetened condensed milk. To wit:
Magic Lemon Pie
1 (8- or 9-inch) crumb or baked pie shell
1 (14 ounce) can EAGLE BRAND® Sweetened Condensed Milk (NOT evaporated milk)
1/2 cup lemon juice from concentrate
1 teaspoon grated lemon rind
2 eggs, separated
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar, if desired
4 tablespoons sugar
See? We already had the bastard pie with the sweetened condensed milk and lemon juice from concentrate. Was it absolutely necessary to create an all-new and different bastard pie using pudding mix and frozen lemonade concentrate?
I ask you.
Somewhere out there, an actual lemon is weeping.
--P.
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5 comments:
The problem with all these lemon meringue bastardizations is their SIRE: Key Lime Pie. The dam, the original lemon meringue pie, all but lost to the dim past, proved willing and compliant in the hands of recipe-writing Iagos.
Key Lime Pie, being a product of its environment, where few non-native perishables were available, is made with sweetened condensed milk, the litmus-paper-dissolving acidity of the key lime buzz-sawing through the cloying sweetness of the condensed milk.
Further north, someone adapts the recipe for the more plentiful lemon and next thing you know you have a rather undesirable love child.
Another problem with lemon meringue pie is the meringue: It sets up like a fragile rubber foam cushion and it detaches, like a bad toupee, from the filling.
Such is the state of the lemon meringue pie in the age of convenience food.
Not that you'll ever try them, but here are some pretty authentic recipes, authentic enough to make the good women of New Bern NC blanch:
http://tinyurl.com/3ysmk
http://tinyurl.com/4gjy3
Hi! Got to your blog via blog explosion. Very cool. Have a great day! :)
Key Lime Pie famously covered in Nora Ephron's roman a clef 'Heartburn'.
Years ago I purchased the Elvis Presly Cookbook and I was drawn to the recipe 'Slum Gullion'.Never a name so onamatopaeic.
First of all, Mrs. Dollie Kellum is deceased; and has been for over 10 years. Why do you choose now, when she can not defend herself or her cooking, to condemn her? Who are YOU to judge my grandmother's Lemonade Meringue Pie recipe?!?! She was an excellent cook and I would give anything to have her here to cook one more Sunday dinner. Choosing one person to critize out of Pass the Plate is a rather uncouth and cruel thing to do. Shame on you for choosing a deceased, well respected New Bernian for that "honor". I would suggest you do a little more research before making such cruel accusations!!
I'm certain the late Mrs. Dottie Kellum was a woman worthy of honor and praise. That her putative grandchild pines for her is charming.
However, that pie is just shy of hemlock. It clearly seems to engender a singular lack of bravery and overactive gall among those who consume it at too-early an age.
-J.
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