Monday, February 21, 2005

Quick--kill me

OK, today's foulness fix comes courtesy of To a King's Taste, published in 1952 by the National Society of the Colonial Dames in the State of Louisiana.

I found this book on eBay, and I bought it for two reasons. First of all, the theme is Mardi Gras and the place of publication is Louisiana. Chances were that it would contain a lot of delicious recipes. Secondly, and perhaps more important, I am a Dame myself. In the Illinois Society, not the Louisiana Society, but one must be loyal to one's fellow Dames.

In case you don't know this, and why would you, The Colonial Dames are one of many hereditary societies founded around 1890 when Americans of English descent realized their days of majority rule were pretty much numbered. So they founded a bunch of private schools, clubs, and hereditary societies. This gave them the opportunity to swank around and feel all kewl and exclusive and stuff.

The most well-known of these societies is probably the Daughters of the American Revolution. The DAR managed to achieve lasting infamy when they refused to let Marian Anderson sing in Constitution Hall. Eleanor Roosevelt resigned her membership, Miss Anderson sang at the Lincoln Memorial, and history was made. (If you click on the link, you'll see that the DAR are still trying to make it up to Marian. I hate to burst your bubble, ladies, but she's dead.)

For more on these hereditary societies, you have to check out this website; it's truly weird and good for at least a half hour of Internet time-wasting. I especially recommend the Advisory Council section. Do these people look like they know how to party or what?

At this point you might be wondering what on earth all these hereditary societies have to do with cooking. Well, it's quite simple. The Colonial Dames have never achieved the same level of infamy or public recognition as the DAR. But who knows--it might still happen. And while it isn't on the public-relations-fiasco level of dissing an amazingly gifted opera star who just happens to be African American, if the Colonial Dames do achieve infamy, it might just very well be because of this blot on the gustatorial landscape:

A Quick-Frozen Tomato Salad

Mix thoughly:

1 medium-sized bottle tomato catsup (14 ounces)
1 medium-sized can tomato juice (no. 2 can)

Add one tablespoon grated onion

Oh dear. Now they've gone and ruined things by adding a fresh ingredient!

and season to taste.

Does that mean I'm actually expected to taste this?

Pour in refrigerator tray and freeze.

Now back away from the freezer slowly and quietly, and maybe the "salad" will die a painless death.

Serve in thick slices on lettuce, garnish with thinly sliced avocado and mayonnaise.

Oh, damn it. You let it out of the freezer before I could tie a tag on its toe.

Well, there you have it. Proof that when it comes to bad food, the English--and their descendents--still rule.

--P

2 comments:

Poppy B. said...

My cookbooks don't say anything about Condoleeza Rice, but I believe the preparation involves lots of hot water. Heh heh heh.

Hey ... d'you suppose that's what the H.W. in George H. W. Bush's name comes from?

Which would mean that his son W is just ... water.

And that would explain a lot.

--P.

p.s. Over here we call it a "cell phone," so I've always assumed I can't get mine to work because the battery is incarcerated on Death Row.

Joke said...

Two things:

1- The recipe itself strikes me as a badly made Bloody Mary popsicle.

2- I thought it was a damned clever ploy on the part of the DAR to relieve themselves of Eleanor Roosevelt. Sure, the DAR as a whole, got a...um...black eye for it, as it were, but their sense of sacrifice and patriotic duty clearly knows no bounds.